Content Warning: suicide
OCTOBER 27, 2017, WITNESS STATEMENT OF OLIVER SCHMIDT (PART 1)
Everything began to unravel the day Fred (from Fiscal) hung himself. It was about 10:00 a.m. this past Tuesday, the twenty-fourth, everyone fighting to make it to lunchtime. I heard a shriek. Fred’s blank, puffy face was wedged between the bars of his workplace container’s lid, the rest of his body sagged. From his forehead to his scuffed brown loafers, he was feathered with post-it notes scrawled with all-caps messages. Several notes detached and fluttered to the carpet below. Security arrived, kicked aside Fred’s office chair, and two-manned his body in shuffled steps across the atrium, towards the observation tower, and quickly into the freight elevator. The boss, we called him Cotton Tail because he had this snowy white patch in a thicket of jet- black hair and there was something animalistic about his eyes, urged us on. So, we resumed.
My customer, Mr. Jasper, seemed pretty shaken up by the whole thing. He leaned forward into my service window. The pads of his fingertips pressed downwards into the window’s ledge. I could smell prosciutto, fig, and some kind of onion on his breath. When I turned back towards Mr. Jasper, he was gone.
Cotton Tail bounced excitedly from one workplace container to the next and reminded us that we were not tourists. He reminded us that much work remained to be done.
OCTOBER 27, 2017, WITNESS STATEMENT OF MEREDITH COLLINS
Fred’s work container was next to mine, so we shared a wall, and even with my kitten-of-the-month calendar, his mock inspirational posters, and the small green plants that poked through the bars into each other’s space, we heard a lot of each other’s conversations. When I heard him on the phone with his wife, I would turn up my satellite radio a little bit but, you know, you still heard stuff.
A couple days ago I heard him tell his wife that he wasn’t sure if he would be able to come home at the end of the month, which seemed odd. We always went home for two days at the end of the month. Our time to regenerate and relax, see our families. Time for the office to clean our containers, lay down fresh carpeting. So that certainly piqued my interest. I had also heard him cursing under his breath a lot more, so I finally asked him about it. I asked him if he was okay and, after about a minute, he said he didn’t know. We were in sleep time, so our containers were covered with sheets and the work area was generally quiet except for a few lonely footfalls echoing here and there.
He asked me something like, “Do you ever get these messages asking you to validate yourself?” I started to laugh but caught myself after I heard only his heavy breath on the other side of the barrier and his laptop ding. I heard him cry out, say something like, “There! See! It happened again.” I was pretty tired. I didn’t really know what he was talking about. Sometimes we got these reminders to validate our timesheets. I told him to call IT. He grumbled something about restarting his computer. The rest of the night I heard messages ding, one after another, on his screen. I heard him react with anger, then sarcasm, then prayer, before I heard nothing. I must have fallen asleep at some point.
That was the last conversation I ever had with Fred. I rolled myself over in my cot and lifted the sheets over my head. In retrospect, I should have done something. I should have seen the signs that Fred was cracking. At the time, I thought maybe he was just under a lot of stress. Maybe there were issues at home. Something was going on, and I missed it. I missed it from right under my nose. When I left to use the toilet that day, I came back, and there was his body, twisting in the air from the overhead HVAC vents. I wish I could have done more.
From: W. Günther Klaus, CEO and President, Briefbeschwerer Investments
To: Executive Staff; Employees [Non-Contained]; Employees [Contained]; Security; Custodial Service
Date: Wednesday, October 25, 2017, 9:37 a.m. CST
Re: Frederick Mulholland
It is with deep sadness and regret that I inform you that one of our dear colleagues and friends, Frederick Mulholland, passed away yesterday following an unanticipated workplace event. He is survived by his wife, Dolores, and their three beautiful children, Samantha, William, and Todd. Information about memorial services and donations will be forthcoming. Our project safety leaders have concluded their review of the incident and have assured me that all workplace containers are structurally sound and safe. During this most trying of times, we will continue to honor Fred’s legacy through our own perseverance and pursuit of excellence.
Diary Entry of Tom Billings, October 25, 2017
Can’t write too long. Dingo nearby. Can smell Dingo. Too much Dingo, not enough dollars! Haha, inside joke. Not much time left. Fred down. Mabel next? Been here too long. Most senior, next senior, less senior, too senior. Shhhhh. Gotta stay quiet. I smell Dingo!
OCTOBER 27, 2017, WITNESS STATEMENT OF OLIVER SCHMIDT (PART 2)
Things continued the following day, the twenty-fifth, when they found Mabel’s body drowned in the 5-West women’s bathroom stall. Her cotton-sweatered bust was so firmly entrenched in the plumbing that Building Services had to shut the water off on the fifth floor for the entire afternoon. When it happened, most of us were on the fourth floor, milling about Fred’s goodie table, which was really just a long table draped in thin festive paper and paper plates of brownies, pretzels, and a cauldron of homemade beef chili. There were some bright red and pale- yellow balloons scotch-taped to the corners of the table that said things like Best of Luck and You’ve Earned It, which made everyone feel a little uncomfortable, but we had a limited variety of balloons, so we did the best we could under the circumstances. I was standing next to Charlie, Judith, and Tom, when Cotton Tail brushed by me, scraping my shoulder with his own. He was trailed by several men from Security. They directed us to remain calm, to return to our workplace containers immediately due to an unforeseen, but urgent, workplace event. We looked at each other. I knew it wasn’t a tornado or an active shooter drill because the instructions would have been different. On the way back to our containers, the rumors started to spread, though, which is how I initially heard about Mabel’s untimely drowning.
“Two days in a row, I just can’t take this anymore,” said Charlie.
“No way Mabel decides to off herself inside of a public toilet,” said Judith. “She was way too meticulous about her looks,” she added solemnly.
“She was obviously murdered,” concluded Tom.
On a normal day, it was general consensus that Tom was an idiot, but convention was proving hard to reconcile with reality after Fred’s departure and the mystery of Mabel’s body. If we had been united in Fred’s death, some of us comforted by the fact that we still remained, others of us comforted by our own apparent strength of moral character and mental fortitude, we now felt less secure, more suspicious of our fellow co-worker. While Mabel had few known enemies, she generally kept to her microwave-ready Lean Cuisines and Sudoku puzzles, no one exactly felt safe at work. I spent the rest of the day tensely hunched over my laptop, anxiously talkative with my window clients.
STAFF MEMORANDUM
From: Cotton Tail
To: All Employees
Date: Thursday, October 26, 2017
Re: Restroom Closure
Please be advised that the 5-West women’s restroom has been closed indefinitely. Employees should use the 5-East women’s restroom or relocate to other floors until further notice. This afternoon you may see uniformed police officers and other medical personnel inside of our work space. Do not be alarmed. Additional details and instructions will be forthcoming.
Briefbeschwerer Investments
Building Your Future, One Step at a Time
Third Quarter Shareholder Update October 26, 2017
Dear Shareholders, while this year has certainly presented its challenges, I’m proud to announce that the company’s strong Q3 results reflect the company’s successful implementation of additional restructuring and reorganization efforts. Across our corporate footprint, we have achieved significant efficiencies in our global and domestic divisions. Our global investment division has exceeded Q3 benchmarks in Europe and Asia. Sales of new innovative investment vehicles have increased revenue in key domestic markets. More importantly, under our new leadership, we have managed to leanly staff existing profitable operations while transitioning unprofitable legacy projects from financial statements. Looking forward to Q4, we believe that additional efforts in those regards will yield continued positive results.
Very truly yours,
W. Günther Klaus, CEO and President
Employee Evaluation Notes, Tom Billings, October 15, 2017
| Core Competency | Employee Rating (please provide detailed comments) |
| Container Cleanliness | Exceeds expectations. Passes all routine and unannounced container inspections. |
| Customer Satisfaction | Meets expectations. One customer reported feeling uncomfortable investing with “man apparently confined in cage”; however, management feels confident this was isolated incident and less reflective of Tom’s potential. |
| Teamwork | Fails to meet expectations. Other employees report strange behavior. Confidential Employee Informant #3185 reported disparaging comments made about management and/or working conditions made on June 3, 2017, June 29, 2017,September 4, 2017. Leadership team advised. |
| Productivity | Fails to meet expectations. Tom’s manager reports frequent bouts of paranoia, abnormal behavior, sleeping through Count, disgruntled speech. Tom recently questioned where Supreme Being puts all the sunshine at the end of the day. Referral toEmployee Wellness deemed necessary at this time. |
| Performance Work Plan Recommended? | Yes. |
| Performance Work Plan Previously Recommended? | No. |
| Employee Counseled? (if so, provide dates) | Yes (7/2017, 4/2017). |
Diary Entry of Tom Billings, October 26, 2017
Mabel down. Another toilet emergency, flush, flush, flush! Just like ’93. No, stupid. Was ’94. Dora in 94-uh. Was a dummy back then. Management, downsize a-coming. Do more with less. Now there is less, do more! Have to go, time to go, do more running, do less humming.
Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force. Reduction in force.
Uh oh. Dingo! Goodbye.
OCTOBER 27, 2017, WITNESS OF OLIVER SCHMIDT (PART 3)
That next morning, the metal bars of our work containers slid across their track, and I stepped out into the main observation area. It was nearly empty. Normally, the stir of the bars and the laughter and small morning noises from the other employees gathering to walk together towards the cafeteria filled the air. I saw only a couple of employees leave their workplace containers. I saw Tom cautiously exit his, it was five spaces to the left of mine. I watched his eyes survey the atrium, look up towards the observation tower’s tinted windows, before his eyes met my own, and he walked in a straight line towards me.
“Follow,” he said, brushing past me. I did a half-jog to catch up to him. “Reduction,” he said. “Reduction in force. Downsizing,” he said, almost
out of breath. We didn’t speak for another minute or two as we made our way towards the cafeteria.
“Gotta run, less hum!” he told me.
I don’t know why, but I followed him. I guess with everything happening with Fred and then Mabel, I was scared. Judith saw us and caught up by the cafeteria tray return. Tom pointed to the conveyer belt. She went first. She laid on one of the shiny brown trays, her knees pressed against her chest, and we watched her slowly float through the black rubber flaps into the kitchen. I went next. As I resurfaced on the other side, the kitchen’s humming white fluorescent lights momentarily blinded me. I looked around and saw Judith crouched, waiting, next to the belt. I army-rolled off of the belt just before I reached her.
We saw Tom come through next, his legs kicked out in front of his tray. His face was badly cut, a bloody streak from his temple down to the curl of his moustache. Judith crab-legged over to a bucket and mop, grabbed a small gray towel hanging off the side, and crawling back towards us as I bear-hugged Tom off of the belt. Judith handed Tom the towel.
“Through that door,” Tom panted. He pointed to an emergency exit. It was a heavy steel door with an alarm warning.
I looked at Judith. She nodded.
“Don’t let them catch you,” Tom added.
That was the last time we saw Tom. Judith sprinted over to the door, but she couldn’t open it. I ran over to her, we both leaned into the door, but it wouldn’t budge. I saw the confused faces of kitchen staff now looking over. An alarm started to sound. Over the cafeteria’s serving counter, I saw Cotton Tail approach and pull his way through shoulders, hurdling over the plastic buffet barrier. I felt Tom slam into my back, pushing me further into Judith’s back until we tumbled forward through the entryway. Tom was already on his feet. Before we could say anything, he gave me a glance before sidling around the door back into the kitchen once again. I heard the sound of plates crashing and breaking as Judith and I leapt down the stairwell two and three at a time, through a strobe light flicker and with the siren in our ears. We finally made it to the bottom, into the lobby elevator bank. We burst through the door at the bottom of the stairs. Judith and I sprinted out of the elevator bank and through the lobby, finally making it through the building’s revolving door and outside into the open. We ran and ran down the busy sidewalk. State Street full of shoppers, homeless men, and tourists. We must have looked crazy.
“Help us!” we screamed.
Judith tugged on a man’s coat until he shook her off violently so that she fell to her knees. We kept on running, kept on running until you found us.
TRANSCRIPT OF E-911 CALL, OCTOBER 27, 2017, 10:34 A.M.
DISPATCHER: Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?
CALLER: Umm, there’s a man’s, what looks like a man’s body, here. DISPATCHER: Are you in a safe area?
CALLER: I don’t know. I’m not sure. I’m in the lobby of an office building.
DISPATCHER: Is he responsive? Are you able to check his pulse?
CALLER: I don’t think so, he has some kind of liquid, its brownish, it might be blood, I don’t know, it’s coming out from all over his body. Let me check.
[in background: Are you okay? Do you need a paper towel?]
CALLER: He isn’t responding.
DISPATCHER: I’m sending help, help is on its way.
CALLER: Thank you, it looks pretty serious.
DISPATCHER: It sounds pretty serious.
CALLER: I do see a nametag or ID badge on the man’s belt clip, hold on a second.
DISPATCHER: Okay.
CALLER: Okay, it’s kind of slimy, but it says “Thomas,” can’t read the last name.
DISPATCHER: Okay, keep your distance, he may have a contagious virus or may be otherwise toxic.
CALLER: Thank you, I know. I’m wearing a portable mask right now. [muffled] We received training on this very exact scenario last week.
DISPATCHER: That’s pretty lucky.
CALLER: [muffled] Isn’t it? Okay, looks like the lower half of the [muffled] says something in German, something [muffled] investments. Okay, I see a fireman coming now, and a policeman, I’m going to hang up.
DISPATCHER: Okay, thank you. Be safe.
CALLER: I will, thank you. You too.
Diary Entry of Tom Billings, July 7, 1991
Well, here goes! My first entry. Where to start?! First week of work has been weird, but good, I guess. Just good to have a job, any job. I think I’m getting the hang of things. I miss my family. I’m not used to being stuck in this “work container,” that’s what they call it. But I think I’m getting used to it. People seem nice enough. Hope to find my place here, maybe make a career. Will see how things go. That’s it for today! Talk soon!
CL chicago > city of chicago > jobs > Investment post account
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REPLY POSTED A DAY AGO (OCTOBER 27, 2017)
*ONCE IN LIFETIME CAREER OPPORTUNITY:
Prestigious international investment bank looking for bright, young, motivated professionals to join the team! Generous benefits, 401k, life insurance, transit subsidies, all included. Salary commensurate with experience. Interested applicants should submit cover letter and resume directly.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster. Do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers.
post id: 3948019678 posted: a day ago email to friend ♥ best of [?]
MJ Hernandez is an MFA fiction student at Columbia College Chicago whose fiction has previously appeared in Manzano Mountain Review, Hair Trigger, and Literally Stories.
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