Campaign Love Bites
Mary Beth Hoerner
Ron Paul to Carol Paul
Happy Valentine’s Day, Pumpkin!
The First Amendment protects my right to talk crazy, so here I go.
You know I have delivered more than 4,000 babies, which means I’ve been privy to well over 4,000 vjj’s, but yours still does it for me, Grandma. You may not be the hot, Barbie/Stepford Wife the other dolts have, you may wear floral housecoats to black-tie events, but no one—and I mean no one—rocks a “Ron Paul Revolution” hoodie the way you do. (more…)
Pope’s Parents Met at Social Networking Site
Mary Beth Hoerner
Germany’s 1930s-version of eharmony.com is responsible for bringing together Joseph Ratzinger and Maria Peintner, who, after an inauspicious first date of pilsner and onion rings, would go on to produce the holiest man alive. (more…)
In Plain English: The Skinny on Pork Belly
Mary Beth Hoerner
The pig has two bellies, and you will have at least that if you fall for the pork belly craze being perpetrated by our finest restaurants.
It’s not that I have anything against bacon. I’ve even coughed up the eight bucks it costs for a Voges bacon & chocolate bar. When I was little, I not only ate the multiple pieces of bacon on my own plate, I ate my sister’s discarded bacon fat, which she was forward-thinking enough to gnaw around. But that was back in the late sixties—when health foods where things like eggs and cheese. Now we know better. The First Lady knows better, and she keeps swinging those skinny arms around, begging us to “not be so fat.” And I, for one, do not want to be on her bad side.
