And Jesus wept. — John 11:35
The young mother in the emergency room was rushed there straight from her son’s christening party. She had been diagnosed with cancer while she was pregnant, and had postponed treatment for several months until the baby was delivered safely. Now, instead of rejoicing with her guests, she found herself in a frightening place: suffering from a high fever and knowing that she might not live to celebrate her boy’s first birthday.
For a long time, she seemed to want nothing to do with me, but her situation was so sad that I pushed myself to stay longer than I ordinarily would with someone unreceptive. Finally, something seemed to shift in her, and she said, “You’re nicer than the last chaplain I talked to here.”
Uh-oh.
Then she told me about her recent encounter with one of my colleagues, who had “consoled” her by saying, “Just remember that what you are going through is as nothing compared to what Jesus suffered on the cross.”
For a moment, I couldn’t breathe.
How could anyone say that, especially to this courageous woman, who might have just sacrificed her own life for her child’s? At a time when she most needed to feel God’s consoling presence, a minister had turned her Savior into a distant, judgmental, even competitive figure. How could I make this right?
Pious words wouldn’t do; she’d had quite enough of those. I braced myself and offered what may still be my best pastoral response, even after all these years: “Did you tell that chaplain that Jesus was only on the cross for three hours, and he didn’t have kids?”
For a moment, she didn’t breathe. Then she burst out laughing until tears ran down her face. The conversation that ensued was wonderful. The chasm left by the other chaplain had been bridged by sincerity and humor.
My words may have been irreverent, but they came from a very reverent place—the certainty that our God is compassion and love.
Is there a pious expression or concept that leaves you cold? How would you reframe it? When has a tragedy challenged you to think through what you really believe about God? Where did you land?
Christine Eberle is a passionate explorer of the connections between Scripture, spirituality, and everyday life. Her 25-year career as a college campus minister has given her countless opportunities to ask her favorite question (Where is God in all this?) and to listen for answers in surprising places. Christine is gifted public speaker, retreat leader, and church cantor. In person and on the page, she invites us to encounter a God who has infinite compassion for people in pain, but little time for pious platitudes. She currently serves as the Director of Campus Ministry at Gwynedd Mercy University near Philadelphia, PA. Her book Finding God in Ordinary Time will be published on September 17th. You can follow her at christine-marie-eberle.com.
